I just dont get it

I dont mind them losing, never did, for christ sake if it was winning that I was looking for I would have left them long ago, but the truth is I love these guys like my own blood brothers-especially him, and for that I dont care what it takes to see them smile. I dont care if they lose or they have done something stupid or failed their exams. I dont care, I want to see them everytime and everyday if it was possible but things are just not as simple as that. and I was cool about the whole thing after the verdict was given. But if there is one thing on earth that I cant bear to see..... is to see him sad....he was sitting on this chair and didnt look up. His whole body was slumped.... There was just something about that that I could not stand...I dont have the heart to see him like that...I wish I can tell him there and then that it is okay but I know he would have just stared down and dont look up and even if he did he wouldnt be really listening to you..but it is unfair to him to have lost.7-2 some more, I was like what the heck. I dont mind losing if he doesnt, but if he is sad then I am sad, I myself was shocked as to why that emotion came. Heck I didnt think it showed but everyone noticed it. Mam Shanaz even predicted correctly what happened next. He wants to handles things that he believes he can handle and he is excellent at that, but when he slips, he just beats himself up about it, that's just him. I dont blame him for being so. Wanted to tell him I was leaving, that it's ok and I aint upset but he was surrounded by so many people, decided to leave a message and leave quietly instead.Must be thinking that I'm a jerk.The guy who never says goodbye. Doesn't trust me anymore.Who can blame him.No one does.He aint the only person that said that. He has enough things on his mind already without needing to see my face. You know how sometimes you feel like a piece of extra luggage that no one wanted to bring but had to? I dont even know what the heck I should say to him at that time.To smile would be to lie but to be sad would be de motivating. To tell that everything will be alright will be unjust but to tell that they wont isnt really true either.To say nothing would give a wrong impression but to say something wouldnt do much good.I know how he feels.Sigh...I need to sleep, two days in a row of Nilai-Gombak commuting,toll fees and fuel, no proper meal (the only time I get to talk to him are the lunch breaks-I didnt want my mouth to be full), slept at 5 wake up at 7 went to class, 1230h class finished and went to Gombak, and oh what the heck, who reads this anyway.Damn classes.I need to sleep.